What does an ADHD Coach Do?

What does working with an ADHD Coach actually look like?

For me, a lot of it is helping clients work on the inner and outer stuff at the same time.

If we only focus on the external stuff, like systems, routines, planning, and follow-through, we might get some short-term movement without changing what keeps getting in the way.

But if we only focus on the inner work, it can be really hard to see progress happening in your actual life.

So we do both.

Because knowing what to do and still not being able to do it, over and over again, can wear a person down.

It can make you question your capacity, your character, your promises to yourself, and whether you can trust yourself at all.

ADHD Coaches are not all the same, but here are some of the things I do with clients.

Figure out why knowing what to do still isn’t turning into action

There’s often a gap for ADHDers between knowing and doing.

Instead of slamming your head against the wall asking, “Why can’t I just DO this?!” over and over again, we get curious about what’s happening in that gap.

Is the task unclear? Too big? Boring? Overwhelming? Is there fear, perfectionism, a transition, a missing support, or something else getting in the way?

Part of my job is helping you identify what’s actually getting in the way so we can figure out what to do with it.

Replace judgment with curiosity

Self-judgment can be BRUTAL. And for ADHDers, it can turn one hard moment into a full-on downward spiral.

So instead of helping you build a better case against yourself, I help you slow down and get curious about what’s actually happening.

What happened? What were you feeling? What did you need? What made this harder than expected?

We practice observing the situation without immediately turning it into a verdict about you.

Over time, curiosity can start becoming the default response instead of judgment.

Notice and acknowledge progress

ADHDers are often really good at noticing what they’re doing wrong and much less likely to notice what’s going well.

And a lot of the time, they move the goalpost before they’ve even reached it.

So part of what I do is help clients slow down, notice what has changed, notice what they did differently, and notice what is working better than it used to.

Then we acknowledge it and celebrate it.

Not just intellectually, but taking a moment to actually feel the celebration in your body before moving on to the next thing.

Practice skills in ways that work with your ADHD brain

In music, if you practice the wrong note over and over again, eventually that wrong note becomes the thing your fingers know how to do.

Then fixing it isn’t just learning the right note. You have to unlearn what you’ve already practiced.

A lot of ADHDers have spent years practicing ways of working, organizing, resting, regulating, and following through that weren’t designed with ADHD in mind.

So sometimes the work isn’t just learning a new skill. It’s also unlearning ways of doing things you’ve practiced for years.

Part of what I do is help you figure out what works better with your brain, then practice that new way enough that it starts to replace what you’ve been rehearsing for years until the new way is embodied.

Understand what triggers an unwanted pattern

Sometimes an ADHDer is doom scrolling on the couch while simultaneously beating themselves up for not doing anything.

If that pattern keeps happening, I’m less interested in judging the behavior and more interested in figuring out what tends to happen right before it.

Were you overwhelmed? Avoiding something? Dysregulated? Exhausted? Did a transition derail you?

Part of what I do is help you identify what triggers the pattern, then come up with a different response you can practice the next time that moment shows up.

Practice recovering when the plan falls apart

A plan falling apart doesn’t mean the whole thing failed.

But for a lot of ADHDers, one missed day, one disrupted routine, or one thing going sideways can quickly turn into, “Well, I fucked it up.”

Part of what I do is help you practice what happens next.

How do you come back without punishing yourself? How do you adjust the plan? What do you need now that you didn’t need when you made it?

The goal isn’t to build a life where nothing ever falls apart.

It’s to get better at recovering when it does, so one disruption doesn’t have to become the end of the whole thing.

Build a life that accounts for who you actually are

A lot of ADHDers have spent years making plans for an imaginary version of themselves.

The version who will have more energy tomorrow. Who won’t get distracted. Who can transition easily. Who can follow the system exactly as designed. Who will suddenly be able to do things the way everyone keeps saying they “should” be done.

And then when that version of them doesn’t show up, they’re left dealing with the consequences and wondering what the fuck is wrong with them.

A huge part of the work I do with clients is getting to know the person who is actually here.

How does your brain work? What do you need? What happens when you get stuck? What helps you come back? What makes something sustainable for you?

And then we build from there.

Not toward some optimized, neurotypical version of you.

Toward the amazing, magical, brilliant human being in front of me, who is absolutely capable of living the life they desire.

If you’re reading this thinking, “I want this kind of support,” email me at [email protected] or text me at 503-718-3934. Tell me what’s going on, and we’ll take it from there.