Why We get Triggered (Even with People We Trust)

For those that prefer to consume their media by listening, feel free to click play above and Jess will read to you.

I was mid-conversation last week when this all too familiar feeling came over me.

I couldn't place it. I honestly couldn't figure out what was going on.

Because it was all-consuming.

My chest felt tight. Pressure in my head like I might explode, but knew I couldn't. Tears threatening to come but won't. Because...survival.

Anger... almost like a rage wanted to pump through my veins though I wouldn't allow it.

Fear... stuck, confused...

The thing is, I was talking to a very safe person, one whom I've had a relationship with for years. A person I can fully be myself with. Someone who knows me really well and could feel all of this radiating off me.

The more I tried to control myself and the conversation, the worse it got.

My body reacted as if I was in danger, even though nothing dangerous was happening.

I was triggered, but I didn't even recognize it at first.

Because it wasn't logical. Based on the context and content of the conversation (which is honestly irrelevant), it made zero sense that I was having such a visceral response, especially with a person who loves me, cares about me, and wants to see me win.

I just kept trying to logic my way and force my way through, which didn't work at all.

When I finally managed to name that I was emotionally triggered, I was able to take a step back and see that I was unable, in that moment, to continue and had to let go of trying to be understood and trying to understand.

I was physically incapable while being triggered.

An emotional trigger is when something in the present moment activates an old wound or memory in the body. Even if the current situation is safe, the nervous system reacts as if the past is happening again.

It took me five days to figure out why I was even triggered in the first place.

When I was a teenager, my dad would reprimand me for things I didn't even know I did that triangulated the relationship with my stepmom.

That's where my body went back to in the middle of this conversation.

I was feeling like I was being reprimanded for something I didn't know that I did and that all too familiar feeling came back.

It sucked.

And yet, it came up because it needed to. My body needed to recalibrate and learn that it is safe in this space. That we have created safe spaces with beautiful friends who will hold us through it.

I came back and had a repair conversation with my loved one. He understood why I felt reprimanded. I understood what he was trying to communicate to me that I missed the first time. All is well.

And after the repair, my body released. I asked my roommate for a hug and I cried.

I'm not going to pretend that I now know that that aspect of me is healed. More may come up.

But what I can tell you is that the week that followed was LIFE CHANGING for me in the most beautiful way. And I honestly don't think that revelation, that shift could have happened fully if I hadn't been triggered.

I know this because I've seen it over and over again.

Triggered.

Feeling the feelings.

Understanding the trigger.

Repair.

Release.

Massive leap.

So while the process is not easy and can absolutely suck, I now welcome my triggers. They are telling me something and preparing me for something magical.